The 2nd context that I was told to become vulnerable in is relationships.
Last week when we were on our staff trip to Idaho, I went for a walk (*see note below) with Andrea. She is my boss's wife, a good friend, mom to 5 fun kids, and sort of a spiritual mentor. She had been running our camp kitchen for 15 years before I got here to take over.
I asked her advice about something that had been on my heart for a while: How can I really minister to the teens that work in the kitchen over the Summer instead of just being their "boss" or a "cool friend" and the "giver of secret snacks"? I have never considered myself to be much of a people person and relationships have never been one of my greatest skills (although I am slowly improving in both areas). I am still trying to make the adjustment from working in a corporate "shut up and do your job" atmostphere to working in a ministry where it is expected that I care for others - and let them care about me.
Her response to me was that I needed to make myself vulnerable. By opening myself up and sharing my unique story and background I could possibly reach out to people in a way that no one else can. That is definately not the answer I wanted to hear. Um...isn't there an easier way?
Although the Bible instructs me to always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks me to give the reason for the hope that I have (I Peter 3:15b) I just don't always want to do it. But why? I have a great story. God has done things in my life that are way more that I could ever have asked for or imagined (Ephesians 3:20). I am confident that He who began this good work in me will be faithful to complete it ( Philippians 1:6) and that the plans Has for me are prosperous (Jeremiah 29:11). The present and the future seem like they could possibly be easy to share - and I have been starting to. That's where most of the good and happy stuff is.
However, it's stuff in the past - stupid, gross, embarrasing, humbling, hurtful, sinful, awkward, emotional stuff that will be hard to share. Some of it was self-inflicted and some of it was out of my control. None of it might be what I would have chosen for myself, but I know it all had a part of shaping me into the person I am today. There are some things I have talked through with others and been able to release, but there are many more things that I have just kept bottled up. Some days I feel like that bottle has been shaken and is ready to explode. Even writing this now is affecting me.
When I think of how great God's grace and mercy are that He would keep loving on me despite all this....WOW!
I always hear/read of people going through great illnesses or challenges of some sort and they say "If even 1 person gets saved as a result of this trial then it was all worth it". I don't know that my faith is that strong. I'm still pretty selfish and would rather for things to be easy.
Please pray for me as I work on my personal growth - that God will help me to use some little bit of my past to encourage someone for their future. Then maybe I can say that the pain of being vulnerable was all worth it.
(*note: I often hear on the family shows on the radio that the best way to get your teenagers to open up to you is to talk to them side by side, as on a walk or in the car, instead of face to face because it is less confrontational. This works for grown ups too. For me, anyway.)
A collection of random thoughts designed to keep you up to date with what God is doing in my life!
2 comments:
Pastoral tip on vulnerability: The bigger the group, the more vague the details become. The smaller the group, the better you can gauge their trustworthiness to share, the more details you give.
I hate crying at funerals because I'm supposed to be the person who guides everyone else through this whole process...but then people seeing me cry shows that its OK for them to as well...I share that to tell you that showing emotion is often not a bad thing because it communicates and sometimes stronger than words.
But I'm not looking at you as I type all that....I'm looking off into the distance in a totally comfortable, non-confrontational manner... :P
I'm pretty sure she meant one on one or even small group interaction (as there are usually only 2 - 4 kids assigned to the kitchen at a time). And not as a preachy or presentation style, but more conversational.
As I get to know them and strive to genuinely listen to them - and actually hear and care about what they are saying about the concerns on their hearts, I can possibly interject with some words of wisdom and/or encouragment based on what I have done and been through.
Just need to be careful to not chop off any fingers if I do all this without looking.
And showing emotion, well...it is a good thing I guess. Still working on that one.
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