The 2nd context that I was told to become vulnerable in is relationships.
Last week when we were on our staff trip to Idaho, I went for a walk (*see note below) with Andrea. She is my boss's wife, a good friend, mom to 5 fun kids, and sort of a spiritual mentor. She had been running our camp kitchen for 15 years before I got here to take over.
I asked her advice about something that had been on my heart for a while: How can I really minister to the teens that work in the kitchen over the Summer instead of just being their "boss" or a "cool friend" and the "giver of secret snacks"? I have never considered myself to be much of a people person and relationships have never been one of my greatest skills (although I am slowly improving in both areas). I am still trying to make the adjustment from working in a corporate "shut up and do your job" atmostphere to working in a ministry where it is expected that I care for others - and let them care about me.
Her response to me was that I needed to make myself vulnerable. By opening myself up and sharing my unique story and background I could possibly reach out to people in a way that no one else can. That is definately not the answer I wanted to hear. Um...isn't there an easier way?
Although the Bible instructs me to always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks me to give the reason for the hope that I have (I Peter 3:15b) I just don't always want to do it. But why? I have a great story. God has done things in my life that are way more that I could ever have asked for or imagined (Ephesians 3:20). I am confident that He who began this good work in me will be faithful to complete it ( Philippians 1:6) and that the plans Has for me are prosperous (Jeremiah 29:11). The present and the future seem like they could possibly be easy to share - and I have been starting to. That's where most of the good and happy stuff is.
However, it's stuff in the past - stupid, gross, embarrasing, humbling, hurtful, sinful, awkward, emotional stuff that will be hard to share. Some of it was self-inflicted and some of it was out of my control. None of it might be what I would have chosen for myself, but I know it all had a part of shaping me into the person I am today. There are some things I have talked through with others and been able to release, but there are many more things that I have just kept bottled up. Some days I feel like that bottle has been shaken and is ready to explode. Even writing this now is affecting me.
When I think of how great God's grace and mercy are that He would keep loving on me despite all this....WOW!
I always hear/read of people going through great illnesses or challenges of some sort and they say "If even 1 person gets saved as a result of this trial then it was all worth it". I don't know that my faith is that strong. I'm still pretty selfish and would rather for things to be easy.
Please pray for me as I work on my personal growth - that God will help me to use some little bit of my past to encourage someone for their future. Then maybe I can say that the pain of being vulnerable was all worth it.
(*note: I often hear on the family shows on the radio that the best way to get your teenagers to open up to you is to talk to them side by side, as on a walk or in the car, instead of face to face because it is less confrontational. This works for grown ups too. For me, anyway.)
A collection of random thoughts designed to keep you up to date with what God is doing in my life!
Friday, February 25, 2011
skipped day
Yesterday I had to attend a food safety training class and then take an exam to become a licensed food handler. I was there for 10 hours. It was a long, boring day but I did learn some new stuff and the test seemed way too easy compared to everything that was taught so I'm pretty sure I passed. Lunch was included - it was a nice sandwich and salad buffet.
By the end of the day my brain was hurting from thinking too much and my back was sore from sitting too much.
A few weeks ago I found a wallet in the church parking lot and mailed it back to the owner. She then sent me a lovely thank you note with $10. in it for me to treat myself to lunch or a coffee as her way of thanking me for my honesty. I used it last night to have dinner at Fuddruckers. I also had a code to get a free movie rental from Redbox. I chose Like Dandelion Dust. The first half hour was slow, but good. Not sure about the rest because I fell asleep after that (at 9:00!). Woke up around 11:30 and went up to bed. I've been having trouble sleeping lately so it was a nice little nap.
Today was my usual Friday routine - chiropractor (I'm starting to think he really is trying to kill me), COSTCO, grocery store, unload groceries, fill out expense reports, have lunch, rest.
The group that's here now ate before they came so I did not have to make supper, which is nice (not as nice as when they leave before lunch on Sunday, but still nice). I took another short nap this afternoon. It's only 9:15 and I feel ready for bed again.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
VULNERABLE - fear
There's a movie called "Play the Game"
(http://www.blockbuster.com/browse/catalog/movieDetails/433176)
which chronicles the dating adventures of a man and his grandfather.
The movie itself has a great story line, but there are some "adult" conversations and situations so please use your own discretion when deciding whether or not to watch it yourself.
My favorite line of the movie was when Grandpa said "You're *darn* right I'm afraid of getting hurt. Getting hurt hurts!"
So many times we let fear hold us back from things. What if we get hurt? Or embarrassed? Or rejected? Or ignored? Or fail? Or succeed? Or.....(insert your own fear here)?
It seems to be so much easier to stay in our comfort zones doing what already know well.
Two phrases that have been on my mind lots lately are:
Courgae is faith in the face of fear.
Faith is fear in action.
Fear can be a paralyzing emotion. Yes, there are some good and rational fears - but any fear that freezes us and/or causes us to not be faithful followers of where God is leading is dangerous.
I'm not just talking about great big acts of obedience here. This includes everyday things like witnessing to people and showing compassion, and being good stewards of our time/money/talents, and living honestly, and...(insert your own ideas here).
Having some fear while we step out reminds us that we need to rely on God.
Pray these verses for a little jump-start to courage : )
Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
(http://www.blockbuster.com/browse/catalog/movieDetails/433176)
which chronicles the dating adventures of a man and his grandfather.
The movie itself has a great story line, but there are some "adult" conversations and situations so please use your own discretion when deciding whether or not to watch it yourself.
My favorite line of the movie was when Grandpa said "You're *darn* right I'm afraid of getting hurt. Getting hurt hurts!"
So many times we let fear hold us back from things. What if we get hurt? Or embarrassed? Or rejected? Or ignored? Or fail? Or succeed? Or.....(insert your own fear here)?
It seems to be so much easier to stay in our comfort zones doing what already know well.
Two phrases that have been on my mind lots lately are:
Courgae is faith in the face of fear.
Faith is fear in action.
Fear can be a paralyzing emotion. Yes, there are some good and rational fears - but any fear that freezes us and/or causes us to not be faithful followers of where God is leading is dangerous.
I'm not just talking about great big acts of obedience here. This includes everyday things like witnessing to people and showing compassion, and being good stewards of our time/money/talents, and living honestly, and...(insert your own ideas here).
Having some fear while we step out reminds us that we need to rely on God.
Pray these verses for a little jump-start to courage : )
Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
VULNERABLE...context 1
The 1st time I was told to be vulnerable was at the chiropractor's office. Picture if you will me laying face down on the adjustment table. He moves my head up/back and all the way to the right, my left hip at the left edge of the table, and my feet hanging off the right edge...kind of in a big "C" shape. Not quite comfortable. Now, I know that what's coming next is going to really hurt so I naturally tense up. And every single time he has to tell me to just relax and trust him and breathe through it. I do, and it hurts a bit, and I get over it, and he says "good job". Yea, it's fun. The other parts of my treatment go easily (except for the part where he puts me in an almost fetal position and I have to concentrate on not farting - but that's a story for another time LOL)
I have to wonder if the pain is more in my head than in my back. Does the anticipation of it make it worse? "They" say that whatever does not kill us will make us stronger. That slight amount of pain leads to a great amount of strength and comfort in the long run. By opening myself up to a small controlled hurt, I am actually preventing a larger hurt.
I don't know that there's any true spiritual application to this, but one verse comes to mind that might be somewhat applicable, even if it is out of context:
Romans 5:3 "we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance"
There's things in our lives now that may seem painful and unpleasant, but if we rely on God to help us work through them we will come out stronger in the end.
I have to wonder if the pain is more in my head than in my back. Does the anticipation of it make it worse? "They" say that whatever does not kill us will make us stronger. That slight amount of pain leads to a great amount of strength and comfort in the long run. By opening myself up to a small controlled hurt, I am actually preventing a larger hurt.
I don't know that there's any true spiritual application to this, but one verse comes to mind that might be somewhat applicable, even if it is out of context:
Romans 5:3 "we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance"
There's things in our lives now that may seem painful and unpleasant, but if we rely on God to help us work through them we will come out stronger in the end.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Word of the Week: VULNERABLE
During the past two weeks, two different people in two totally different circumstances told me that I need to be/become vulnerable. The thought stayed on my mind although I have been way too busy to do anything with it until now. I really only had a vague concept of what the word meant so today I decided to look it up.
According to www.thefreedictionary.com, vulnerable means:
a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury
b. Susceptible to attack
c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable
Although these definitions fit well within the conversations that the vulnerable concept was suggested to me, knowing exactly what it means makes me want to NOT do it! Am I alone in thinking that opening myself up to physical and emotional injury, attack, and criticism sounds bad? I mean, that's pretty much what I have spent most of my life so far trying to avoid have happen (happening?)
But, since I trust the people who have spoken this to me I am going to look into it some more before deciding either way what to do. This week's blogs will be kind of a word study if you want to follow along.
According to www.thefreedictionary.com, vulnerable means:
a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury
b. Susceptible to attack
c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable
Although these definitions fit well within the conversations that the vulnerable concept was suggested to me, knowing exactly what it means makes me want to NOT do it! Am I alone in thinking that opening myself up to physical and emotional injury, attack, and criticism sounds bad? I mean, that's pretty much what I have spent most of my life so far trying to avoid have happen (happening?)
But, since I trust the people who have spoken this to me I am going to look into it some more before deciding either way what to do. This week's blogs will be kind of a word study if you want to follow along.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Be Careful What You Wish (and pray) For!
A few weeks ago in our staff meeting the camp director shared this old prayer with us:
"Oh God, do not give me tasks equal to my powers,
But give me powers equal to my tasks.
For I want to be stretched by things too great for me.
I want to grow through the greatness of my tasks,
But I shall need Your help for the growing."
(E. Stanley Jones)
As we went around the table sharing our feedback about this prayer, my mind went back to my ideas about living risky that I wrote about here before.
My initial response was that this prayer sounded like a "be careful what you wish for" kind of statement.
For example, I explained that:
I had prayed to get out of New Jersey, and God moved me all the way to Montana
much farther than I was expecting to go
I had prayed for a food service camp job and ended up at YAA
doing much more than I was expecting to do
I had prayed for a growth opportunity, and God opened a door for me to speak at a conference
much more than I thought I could do
I was quick to emphasize that the paths God led me down always turned out to be quite good, even though they were bigger and more challenging than I expected or wanted.
Isaiah 55:8 - 10 (NLT) reads:
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
I've been slowly learning to rejoice in the fact that God's ways are higher than mine, and praying that I will develop more of an attitude of willingness to confidently step up and accept the challenges/opportunities that He presents me with.
Here's a few popluar statements we hear about this subject:
~God may not always call the equipped, but He will always equip the called
~If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it
~Just do your best, God will do the rest
I think it all comes back to seeing ourselves as God sees us - full of potential to do great things for Him and to let Him do great things through us!
What areas of your life do you see yourself holding back? Why?
Give those reasons to God.
Surrender yourself to Him, and then stand back and see what happens!
I guarantee you will be blessed and be a blessing to others in the process.
If you have a personal story of a time that God kicked you out of your comfort zone, please share it in the comments section.
Pride Moment:
Thank you to everyone who was praying about my presentation at the Christian Camp and Conference Association's Northern Rockies and Northwest Super Sectional Conference. (That name sounds so impressive.) It went very well and I was encouraged to receive positive reviews and compliments from my peers.
"Oh God, do not give me tasks equal to my powers,
But give me powers equal to my tasks.
For I want to be stretched by things too great for me.
I want to grow through the greatness of my tasks,
But I shall need Your help for the growing."
(E. Stanley Jones)
As we went around the table sharing our feedback about this prayer, my mind went back to my ideas about living risky that I wrote about here before.
My initial response was that this prayer sounded like a "be careful what you wish for" kind of statement.
For example, I explained that:
I had prayed to get out of New Jersey, and God moved me all the way to Montana
much farther than I was expecting to go
I had prayed for a food service camp job and ended up at YAA
doing much more than I was expecting to do
I had prayed for a growth opportunity, and God opened a door for me to speak at a conference
much more than I thought I could do
I was quick to emphasize that the paths God led me down always turned out to be quite good, even though they were bigger and more challenging than I expected or wanted.
Isaiah 55:8 - 10 (NLT) reads:
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
I've been slowly learning to rejoice in the fact that God's ways are higher than mine, and praying that I will develop more of an attitude of willingness to confidently step up and accept the challenges/opportunities that He presents me with.
Here's a few popluar statements we hear about this subject:
~God may not always call the equipped, but He will always equip the called
~If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it
~Just do your best, God will do the rest
I think it all comes back to seeing ourselves as God sees us - full of potential to do great things for Him and to let Him do great things through us!
What areas of your life do you see yourself holding back? Why?
Give those reasons to God.
Surrender yourself to Him, and then stand back and see what happens!
I guarantee you will be blessed and be a blessing to others in the process.
If you have a personal story of a time that God kicked you out of your comfort zone, please share it in the comments section.
Pride Moment:
Thank you to everyone who was praying about my presentation at the Christian Camp and Conference Association's Northern Rockies and Northwest Super Sectional Conference. (That name sounds so impressive.) It went very well and I was encouraged to receive positive reviews and compliments from my peers.
The picture is huge so you can read the writing : )
Friday, January 21, 2011
checking in
Wow, it's been 10 days since I last wrote. Someone should have nagged me. LOL
I have been busy busy with work and life and other stuff like that.
Some news I can share is that I have been selected to lead a food service director's workshop at the Christian Camp and Conference Association's Northern Rockies and Northwest Super Sectional Conference!
Go ahead...take a moment to be very impressed. I'll wait. : )
Back already? OK
To be honest, it's not that I was hand selected for my amazing skills (but only because I'm new to the camping industry). Rather our director got one of those "does anyone know anyone who would be willing and able to do this" emails which he passed on to me. I replied to get more info and before I knew what happened I was signed up to speak. So, yea, I will be doing the presentation "5 meals for under $3. per person". Once I'm done being scared and worried about it I'll be excited. Maybe. I hope. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME
According to the CCCA's website "Education and encouragement await you at this conference. The valuable event, designed for camping leaders, features seminars, networking opportunities, worship times, exhibits and more. Don't miss this opportunity for personal refreshment and professional enrichment. " Sounds good!
The conference will be Feb. 14 - 17 at The Coeur d'Alene Resort (http://www.cdaresort/) in Idaho, which is supposed to be a very upscale place. It will almost be like a mini-vacation.
I'll try to post my menus and recipes, and get some pictures or a video of me in action.
Well, I have 30 people to cook breakfast for so I'm going to call it a night.
Be back soon.
1 Peter 4:10-12 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
I have been busy busy with work and life and other stuff like that.
Some news I can share is that I have been selected to lead a food service director's workshop at the Christian Camp and Conference Association's Northern Rockies and Northwest Super Sectional Conference!
Go ahead...take a moment to be very impressed. I'll wait. : )
Back already? OK
To be honest, it's not that I was hand selected for my amazing skills (but only because I'm new to the camping industry). Rather our director got one of those "does anyone know anyone who would be willing and able to do this" emails which he passed on to me. I replied to get more info and before I knew what happened I was signed up to speak. So, yea, I will be doing the presentation "5 meals for under $3. per person". Once I'm done being scared and worried about it I'll be excited. Maybe. I hope. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME
According to the CCCA's website "Education and encouragement await you at this conference. The valuable event, designed for camping leaders, features seminars, networking opportunities, worship times, exhibits and more. Don't miss this opportunity for personal refreshment and professional enrichment. " Sounds good!
The conference will be Feb. 14 - 17 at The Coeur d'Alene Resort (http://www.cdaresort/) in Idaho, which is supposed to be a very upscale place. It will almost be like a mini-vacation.
I'll try to post my menus and recipes, and get some pictures or a video of me in action.
Well, I have 30 people to cook breakfast for so I'm going to call it a night.
Be back soon.
1 Peter 4:10-12 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
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